Overenthusiastic Coaches

Coach Dan wore camo to teach us dodgeball,
Said, “Pain is just weakness tryin’ to stall.”
He screamed “WIN” while we tied our shoes,
And tackled a trash can to show us bruise.
Ma subbed once for P.E. with flair,
Made us chase chickens in formalwear.
Coach made us chant, “No pain, no corn,”
Then made us plank through a Texas storm.
He drew plays in the dirt with spittle and rage,
Quoting Sun Tzu and Nicolas Cage.
He trained us to “tackle with purpose and pride,”
In musical chairs, on the teacher’s side.
He made us hurl tires for inner peace,
Then cried during warm-ups–release by fleece.
Coach wore cleats to church and the bank,
And once benched Pa for snackin’ on flank.
Now every kid flinches at whistles and hats,
And checks for camo behind school mats.

Alan Nafzger (editor@bohiney.com)

Last Updated on March 12, 2024 by Alan Nafzger