Cowboy Baptized in Ranch Dressing

Preacher said, “Y’all ready for the flood?”
But it weren’t water–it was Hidden Valley mud.
Down at the church of Fryin’ Pan Creek,
They dunked ol’ Cletus cheek to cheek.
Not in no river nor holy wine,
But in a kiddie pool of creamy brine.
The choir sang hymns through chicken wings,
While Cletus floated with onion rings.
Deacons held up a 10-gallon squirt,
Said, “Bless this sinner with a dip so curt.”
He rose up slick, eyes full of light,
Proclaiming, “I feel zesty tonight!”
The ladies clapped, the cows mooed proud,
The mayor cried salty tears aloud.
Fox News called it a Christian flair,
While CNN just stared and stared.
Vegan protestors picketed the scene,
With signs that read, “Too Ranch, Too Mean.”
But Cletus strutted down the aisle,
Drippin’ bold, in barbecue style.
He shook the sheriff’s greasy hand,
Declared himself the Sauce of the Land.
Now folks get saved with every meal,
And the Lord’s Prayer ends with “Extra Dill.”
So heed the tale of ranch rebirth,
And keep a bottle near for spiritual worth.

Alan Nafzger (editor@bohiney.com)

Last Updated on August 24, 2021 by Alan Nafzger