Awkward First Dates

In San Angelo town where the coyotes yelp,
Young Clyde took a gal who smelled faintly of kelp.
She ordered kale chips and an oat-milk shake,
He asked for brisket, rare, for goodness’ sake.
“I’m vegan,” she said, “and gluten-intolerant too,”
He blinked and replied, “Well, I guess I’ll eat two.”
She talked about crystals and her startup called “Glow,”
He nodded, confused, chewing slow on queso.
She pulled out a tarot deck mid-chicken wing,
He stared at the waitress and began to sing.
“Ma’am, bring the check ‘fore my boots run away,
This gal here just told me her aura is gray.”
She asked him his sign; he said, “Yield.”
She thought he was deep. He meant for the field.
Then she Instagrammed the moment with zero consent,
And tagged it: “Dating cowboys is an experience.”
She ghosted him fast–her Prius peeled out,
But not before calling him “toxic white clout.”
Back at the ranch, his cattle were kind,
They don’t judge your boots or your wandering mind.
So if you date city girls who talk moon and fate,
Pack beef jerky, son, and abort the date.

Alan Nafzger (editor@bohiney.com)