Wedding Chaos

We planned a barn wedding at the break of June,
But the bride got chased by a jealous raccoon.
The preacher tripped on a bale of hay,
Yelled, “I now pronounce–oh Lord, not today!”
The best man fainted from too much shine,
Then puked on the cake that cost ninety-nine.
Ma lost her teeth in the potato bowl,
Pa caught the bouquet and fell in a hole.
The flower girl cried, the groom wore jeans,
Said, “This here tux just ain’t my means.”
The doves got drunk on communion wine,
And pooped on Granny’s wedding line.
The ring was lost in a cow pie heap,
The bride said, “It’s cursed,” then fell asleep.
We served fried butter and corn dog stew,
The in-laws screamed, “Is this fondue?”
The DJ played nothing but tractor sounds,
And the first dance sparked three dog pounds.
Now folks ’round here elope instead,
‘Cause marriage and livestock mess with your head.

Alan Nafzger (editor@bohiney.com)

Last Updated on February 20, 2023 by Alan Nafzger