Unwanted Advice

Ma said, “Try vinegar, it cures all things,”
Now my rash burns and my tractor sings.
Pa claims if you rub dirt on pain,
You’ll be stronger, or covered in stain.
Aunt Lou insists you should never sneeze,
Without facin’ north and squeezin’ your knees.
The mayor once said, “Chew raw corn silk,”
For muscles, teeth, and lactose milk.
The preacher told me to hug my fence,
To cure anxiety and common sense.
Neighbor Ned says coffee’s a sin,
But he drinks moonshine from a Folgers tin.
One cousin swears by socks in soup,
For colds, heartbreak, and boot camp poop.
Even the goat got unsolicited care,
They fed him crystals and braided his hair.
So next time someone gives you a tip,
Ask if their brain’s equipped with a grip.
Out here we nod and say, “Well that’s neat,”
Then Google it quietly from the driver’s seat.

Alan Nafzger (editor@bohiney.com)

Last Updated on February 19, 2021 by Alan Nafzger