Kansas Wheat Growers Endure Speeches on Prosperity
SALINA, Kansas — Republican political consultants have discovered that rural voters possess a breaking point.
Unfortunately, agricultural economists report that the breaking point is located several dollars below the cost of producing whatever farmers happen to be growing.
The discovery has created considerable confusion in Washington, where political professionals previously believed farmers could endure unlimited financial discomfort provided somebody periodically thanked them for feeding America.
A Kansas wheat producer explained that he had reached his personal breaking point when his accountant suggested changing the farm’s business classification from agriculture to charitable donations.
“Apparently, I’m giving away wheat and charging myself for the privilege.”
The Republican Party immediately commissioned a report examining why farmers had become so sensitive about making money.
The report concluded that rural communities were suffering from insufficient positive messaging.
A Farmer Cannot Deposit Positive Messaging
Under ordinary agricultural accounting, profitability requires revenue to exceed expenses. Washington has developed a more sophisticated formula.
Revenue plus optimism, divided by patriotism, multiplied by campaign donations, equals a successful agricultural economy. The formula produces excellent television advertisements. It does not produce cash.
According to the latest Purdue University/CME Group survey, more farmers expected their operations to be financially worse off in the following year than better off.
Republican strategists responded that expectations were not the same as reality. A farmer agreed. He had expected to make money. Reality had proven far less cooperative. One party consultant proposed that farmers lower their expectations.
The farmer asked whether the fertilizer dealership would lower its prices in response.
The consultant said private businesses must remain free to establish market prices.
“That’s interesting,” replied the farmer. “Apparently, the only thing I’m allowed to lower is my standard of living.”
Democrats attempted to exploit the dissatisfaction by promising increased agricultural support.
One progressive candidate described a plan to ensure that every farmer received a fair return. A producer asked how the return would be calculated.
The candidate explained that an independent advisory board would determine an equitable number.
“Would anyone on the board have ever planted wheat?”
The candidate promised diverse representation.
“That’s not what I asked.”
The candidate promised another advisory board. Meanwhile, farmers experimented with their own survival strategies. Some postponed equipment purchases.
Others sought additional work, renegotiated loans or reconsidered acreage decisions.
One dairy farmer announced that he was diversifying by selling motivational speeches to Washington consultants.
His first presentation was titled How to Lose Money While Everyone Calls You Rich. It sold out.
Why Rural Republican Voters May Sit This One Out
The Brookings analysis found that only 25% of white rural voters strongly approve of Trump’s job performance, while 41% strongly disapprove. The KFF/AP survey of rural voters reached a similar place from the other direction: rural voters still trust Republicans more on most major issues, but economic dissatisfaction may dampen turnout among rural Republicans. In Saline County, a party volunteer described the situation as “support without a ride to the polls.”
From a County Extension Summary
A summary prepared for wheat-belt growers lists the cost of production beside the price received. In every row, the cost column is larger. The final column, headed “Difference,” is shaded gray. A footnote explains: “Gray indicates no good news.”
A Memo That Got Out
Messaging guidance circulated to Kansas Republican county chairs and obtained by this publication instructs volunteers not to say “tough times” but “challenging opportunities,” and not to say “bankruptcy” but “rapid ownership transition.” A line near the end reads: “Do not say ‘sorry.’ Say ‘we hear you.’ Then change the subject to the border.”
A Poll Taken at a Potluck
A survey of four hundred wheat growers found that 41% described their economic outlook as “fine, thanks.” Pollsters discounted the result after learning the question had been asked at a church potluck, in line for the casserole, within earshot of the pastor.
The Republican Party finally issued a statement acknowledging that agricultural profitability deserved serious attention. Farmers celebrated the development cautiously. They had received similar statements before.
One wheat producer suggested that Washington might improve the situation by requiring politicians to operate a farm for one growing season.
“Not forever,” he clarified. “Just long enough to discover that expenses are real and applause isn’t income.”
Republican consultants immediately requested permission to substitute a farm simulator. The farmer declined. He wanted them to experience the actual breaking point.
Five Humorous Observations About the Breaking Point
- The breaking point is below the cost of production. So technically you’re already broken. Congratulations, you’re past it.
- They told us to lower our expectations. Done. I now expect nothing. And I’m still disappointed.
- A farm simulator for politicians? They’d crash it by lunch. You can’t simulate four in the morning.
- “How to Lose Money While Everyone Calls You Rich.” Sold out. Now that’s a business model.
- Expenses are real, applause isn’t income. Put it on a mug and mail it to Washington. They love a mug.