Minnesota Dairy Farmers Care More About Bills Than Theory
MANKATO, Minnesota — Progressive political organizers are celebrating a breakthrough in rural America after discovering that struggling farmers can sometimes be persuaded to attend a Democratic meeting if the conversation concerns money rather than the historical inevitability of socialism. The discovery occurred during a campaign visit to a Minnesota dairy farm.
A progressive organizer arrived carrying literature about economic justice, wealth redistribution and transforming American capitalism. The farmer listened politely. Then he asked whether the program would help replace a failed milk pump.
The organizer explained that the pump represented a broader structural problem.
“Wonderful,” said the farmer. “Can the broader structural problem come here with a wrench?”
Farmers Demand Economic Revolution, Preferably Before Morning Milking
The Democratic Party has long struggled with an important agricultural distinction. Farmers are frequently interested in government programs.
They are considerably less enthusiastic about government employees explaining how to operate their farms.
One progressive candidate proposed creating a cooperative dairy system governed by democratic committees.
The farmer explained that his cows were already operating under a cooperative arrangement. They ate together. They slept together. They shared facilities.
And every morning, they collectively demanded that somebody else do all the work.
“Sounds like you’ve already achieved socialism,” observed the candidate.
“No,” replied the farmer. “The cows are management.”
The candidate suggested that agricultural production should prioritize human needs rather than corporate profits. The farmer agreed enthusiastically.
He explained that his primary human need was enough corporate profit to pay the veterinarian. The candidate appeared momentarily confused.
The encounter exposed a problem that neither political party was eager to discuss.
Farmers can simultaneously value private property, criticize concentrated corporate power, support particular government safety nets and distrust government bureaucracy. These positions are inconvenient for ideological purity. They are entirely normal for people who need to survive.
A second organizer proposed raising taxes on wealthy agricultural landowners.
The farmer asked whether owning expensive land while carrying enormous operating debt made him wealthy. The organizer consulted a chart. The chart said yes. The bank statement said no.
A heated debate followed over whether the chart or the bank statement more accurately represented reality.
Eventually, the farmer suggested that both parties stop using agriculture as a convenient setting for ideological speeches.
He wanted viable markets, dependable infrastructure, affordable health care and enough financial stability to pass the operation to his children. Republicans called those traditional American values. Democrats called them economic justice. The farmer called them Tuesday.
Democrats Court Rural Voters, but Rural Turnout Is the Real Test
Farm Progress reported that waning farmer enthusiasm over tariffs and input costs has given rural Democrats a fighting chance in normally red states like Kansas and Iowa. The Brookings analysis is more careful, noting that none of this means larger numbers of rural Americans will cast ballots for Democrats. What it does mean, the analysis says, is that a Republican Party built on huge rural margins may find those margins thinner if its voters stay home. The Democrats’ problem is that being the alternative is not the same as being the answer.
A Study From the Milking Parlor
A 4-H project completed by the farmer’s teenage daughter tracked the interval between the morning alarm and the first complaint about a cow. The average over thirty mornings was eleven minutes. The project received a blue ribbon. The judges noted that the data set was “relatable.”
Fine Print on Form 14-B
The application for the cooperative assistance program asks applicants to attach proof of eligibility, proof of the proof, and a letter from a neighbor swearing the applicant is, in fact, a farmer. A note at the bottom reads: “Letters from cows will not be accepted.” The farmer said he had been looking forward to that one.
An Organizer Remembers
“I brought a pamphlet on collective ownership,” said a Democratic organizer who visited the farm. “He asked if the collective would be there at four a.m. I said we’d have a meeting about it. He said, ‘The cows have a meeting about it every morning. They’re very loud.’ I left a pamphlet and a granola bar. I don’t know which he valued more.”
By the end of the visit, the progressive organizers had learned several lessons. Cows cannot be scheduled around campaign events. Hay bales are uncomfortable seating.
And farmers who ask for economic assistance are not necessarily requesting a revolution.
As the organizers departed, one asked whether the farmer would consider joining a socialist agricultural collective. He replied that he would consider anything that helped the farm survive.
“Even socialism?”
“Maybe. But if your committee wants to run the place, milking starts at four.”
The organizer suddenly remembered another appointment.
Five Humorous Observations About Cows and Collectives
- The farmer says the cows already run a cooperative. He’s right. They have a four a.m. meeting and nobody ever takes minutes.
- Hay bales are not comfortable seating. Somebody tell the Democrats. Also the Republicans. They always pick the bale with the tick on it.
- “Even socialism?” “Maybe. But milking starts at four.” That’s the toughest political platform I’ve ever heard.
- The chart says you’re wealthy because of the land. The bank statement says you’re broke. The land can’t pay for dinner. It’s a big, muddy gift card.
- Wealth redistribution on a dairy farm. Sir, everything I own has already been redistributed. It’s in the bank’s pocket.