Cooking Disasters

Ma tried to bake biscuits with motor-grade grease,
Pa called it “industrial southern masterpiece.”
We deep-fried a turkey with gas from the truck,
It launched through the roof–pure redneck luck.
Uncle Jeb grilled steaks with matches and prayer,
Set fire to the lawn and singed all his hair.
Aunt Lou made chili that smoked like sin,
Even the possum refused to come in.
We once made cornbread with concrete mix,
Served it to preachers–it fixed their ticks.
Someone mistook flour for laundry soap,
The pie crust foamed like a mouth on dope.
We boiled eggs in the cattle trough,
Now the hens walk backwards and quietly scoff.
Cousin Bea tried tofu in cowboy stew,
The beans revolted and the spoon did too.
The BBQ sauce turned out to be glue,
Stuck Pa’s dentures in his Mountain Dew.
Even the dog’s gone keto by choice,
After Ma’s casserole silenced his voice.
Now we bless our meals with extra care,
And keep the fire extinguisher near the silverware.

Alan Nafzger (editor@bohiney.com)

Last Updated on July 12, 2025 by Alan Nafzger