Iowa Families Search Their Property for Missing Prosperity
MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa — Republican economists have announced that the American economy is enjoying spectacular prosperity, prompting thousands of farmers to begin searching their properties for the prosperity they apparently misplaced.
The announcement came during a television interview in which a Washington financial analyst displayed several impressive charts demonstrating that wealthy Americans were becoming considerably wealthier.
An Iowa farmer watched the broadcast while reviewing his agricultural operating expenses. He examined the chart. He examined his bank statement. Then he examined the chart again.
“I think they’re discussing somebody else’s country.”
His wife suggested that perhaps prosperity had been delivered to the wrong address. The farmer checked the mailbox.
There were three bills, an insurance renewal and a campaign donation request. Apparently, prosperity was still in transit.
Wall Street Is Doing Beautifully, Provided You Own Wall Street
Republican officials pointed to stock market performance as evidence of the nation’s economic strength.
Farmers wondered whether the stock market would accept a used grain auger as an investment.
One cattleman explained that although his retirement account occasionally improved, he still had to purchase feed, maintain fences and pay the veterinarian.
A Washington economist responded that the cattleman should appreciate the distinction between household wealth and agricultural cash flow. The cattleman explained that his cows appreciated no such distinction. They expected dinner regardless of the Dow Jones Industrial Average.
Meanwhile, the USDA projected that farm production expenses would stay near record levels. This presented a serious public relations problem.
Republican consultants insisted that higher spending reflected a dynamic and expanding economy.
Farmers suggested that spending more money to produce the same quantity of grain was not a particularly exciting business model.
“If my expenses keep expanding,” said one producer, “eventually I’ll be rich in receipts.”
Democrats entered the discussion by promising to redistribute the benefits of economic growth. A progressive candidate proposed taxing billionaires. The farmer asked whether that would improve the local grain bid. The candidate explained that it would promote economic fairness.
The farmer asked whether economic fairness could be converted into a fertilizer discount. The candidate promised a comprehensive policy briefing.
A television network subsequently invited an agricultural economist to explain the difference between national economic statistics and conditions experienced by individual producers.
The economist discussed inflation, commodity margins, borrowing costs and regional economic variation.
The network interrupted to ask whether he could summarize the entire situation in three words. He replied, “It’s more complicated.” The producer watching from his kitchen offered a better summary.
“Everything costs more.”
The television network preferred the farmer’s version. It fit on the screen.
Rural Economic Anxiety Is Cutting Into Republican Turnout
The disconnect between the broadcast and the barn shows up in the Brookings analysis of rural polling. Only 24% of white rural voters rate the economy as excellent or good, while 77% call it fair or poor, and only 30% approve of Trump’s handling of the cost of living. Sixty-four percent name the cost of living as the most important economic problem facing them. Those are not numbers that send people to the polls with a spring in their step.
The Statistics, Locally Sourced
A Marshall County coffee shop kept a running tally on a napkin of customers who said the economy was booming. By Thursday the count stood at zero. A second napkin tracked customers who said they would “get to the polls if I can.” That count stood at nine, with a note that four of the nine were “probably lying to be polite.”
Statement From the Party
“American prosperity is reaching every corner of the country,” a Republican spokesperson said. Asked whether that included a particular corner of Marshall County, he asked which one. Reporters named a road. The spokesperson said he would pass the question along and then did not.
A Grocery Receipt
A receipt from a Marshalltown supermarket shows a family of four paying for eggs, bread, a gallon of milk, and a small bag of coffee. The total, the shopper said, “was a number I read twice.” On the back of the receipt she had written a list for the next trip. It said: “Eggs. Bread. Milk. Courage.”
At the conclusion of the interview, a Republican spokesperson announced that American prosperity was reaching every corner of the country. The Iowa farmer stepped outside and looked across his fields. He checked the machinery shed. He checked the grain bins. He even looked behind the diesel tank. No prosperity. His wife suggested calling Washington to request a tracking number. The farmer declined.
He had already received enough packages from Washington. Most contained promises. None contained money.
Five Humorous Observations About a Booming Economy
- Prosperity’s in the mail. It’s probably on the same truck as my seed order. They’ve both been “arriving soon” since spring.
- The Dow’s up. Great. My cows don’t check the Dow. They check the feed bin, and the feed bin doesn’t check with Wall Street.
- The economist says “it’s more complicated.” The farmer says “everything costs more.” Guess which one made the news.
- Rich in receipts. That’s what we’re calling it. I have so many receipts.
- Look behind the diesel tank. That’s where I keep my hope. It’s not much, but it’s dry.