Food Mishaps

I once made chili that melted the spoon,
The beans jumped out and howled at the moon.
Ma baked a pie with salt not sugar,
Pa said, “It’s like kissin’ a rattlesnake hooker.”
The biscuits rose like holy bread,
Then collapsed and knocked Grandpa dead.
We grilled some steaks on a barbecue drum,
‘Til a squirrel stole ’em and fed his mum.
The corn exploded, the fryer caught flame,
The cow ran off yellin’, “Y’all insane!”
Uncle Jed tried a kale soufflé,
But the blender said “nope” and walked away.
Aunt May served tofu at the county fair,
‘Got booed so hard she lost her hair.
The preacher choked on communion cake,
Turns out we grabbed Ma’s rum mistake.
We deep-fried butter for the Fourth of July,
It attacked a tourist and made her cry.
Even the dog gave up on dinner that day,
Buried the pot roast and barked, “I’ll pray.”
Now when we cook, we say a strong grace,
Then dial 9-1-1 just in case.

Alan Nafzger (editor@bohiney.com)

Last Updated on October 6, 2023 by Alan Nafzger