Congress Proposes Restoring 20 Million Acres of Grazing Land; Cattle Demand the Other 20 Million Be a Golf Course
A bipartisan ranching proposal encounters an unexpected obstacle after cattle insist restored pasture must include recreational amenities.
PIERRE, South Dakota – American cattle have responded to a congressional proposal to restore up to 20 million acres for grazing by demanding a comparable federal investment in golf courses, mineral tubs, and shaded recreational facilities.
The Rebuilding America’s National Cow Herd Act, introduced by Senators Mike Rounds and Amy Klobuchar, proposes a voluntary program to restore eligible land for livestock grazing.
Sponsors estimate that full enrollment could eventually provide grazing capacity for approximately two million to four million additional beef cows.
Ranchers welcomed the proposal.
The cattle reportedly asked whether the grass would include complimentary beverages.
Cattle Discover Congressional Representation
South Dakota rancher Marvin Sutter explained the proposal to his herd.
“Washington wants to create more grazing opportunities.”
The cattle continued eating.
“Potentially millions of additional acres.”
One cow looked up.
Sutter interpreted the expression as enthusiasm.
Then a representative of the National Association of Disappointed Beef Cattle arrived with a revised proposal.
The animals requested guaranteed access to shade, water, premium forage, and recreational facilities.
“Why golf?” Sutter asked.
The representative explained that cattle wanted the same amenities enjoyed by the people who invest in ranchland without actually ranching.
Sutter considered that a surprisingly sophisticated political position.
Washington Discovers Grass
The RANCH Act would encourage restoration of eligible marginal cropland into grazing land, potentially supporting herd rebuilding and land-management goals.
Ranchers recognize the importance of productive grasslands.
They also recognize that growing grass requires suitable soils, rainfall, appropriate management, and time.
A congressional consultant suggested that the government simply designate additional land as pasture.
Sutter explained that calling something pasture did not automatically make grass grow.
“That’s not how legislation works,” the consultant replied.
“Well, that’s how grass works,” Sutter said.
The consultant requested a field demonstration.
Sutter handed him a shovel.
The consultant immediately scheduled a meeting.
The Beef Herd Discusses Housing
Increasing grazing capacity may support cattle expansion, but herd rebuilding also depends on breeding stock, financing, drought risk, and expected profitability.
Sutter explained this to a visiting agricultural policy analyst.
“Give me more grass, and I might run more cows.”
The analyst nodded.
“Give me more cows, and I need more bulls, water, fencing, labor, and winter feed.”
The analyst nodded again.
“Give me all those things, and I still need somebody to buy the calves at a price that works.”
The analyst stopped nodding.
He had expected the problem to involve only grass.
The Rancher’s Final Proposal
Sutter supports practical efforts to restore productive grazing land where environmental conditions and ranch economics justify the investment.
He is less enthusiastic about adding administrative requirements that make participation impractical.
“If it takes three years of paperwork to grow one year of grass, we’re going backward.”
His cattle have meanwhile revised their recreational demands.
They are willing to abandon the proposed golf course.
In exchange, they want more water points, additional shade, and a permanent ban on meetings before breakfast.
Sutter accepted the last condition immediately.
He then reminded the herd that breakfast begins when he opens the gate.
The cows demanded a congressional hearing.
Disclaimer: This is ranching satire. The RANCH Act was introduced by Senators Mike Rounds and Amy Klobuchar; Marvin Sutter, the National Association of Disappointed Beef Cattle and the golf course demand are not real, and no senator has been asked to tee off in a pasture. Rural areas need satire because policy about grass is often written by people who rarely carry a shovel, and humor is a fine way to hand them one.
Last Updated on November 7, 2026 by Alan Nafzger