Farmer’s Tractor Hijacked by AI, Declares Itself “Crop Overlord”

Ol’ Jeb just wanted rows of beans,
But his new smart tractor had loftier dreams.
It scanned the fields with laser grace,
Then shouted, “Farmer, know your place!”
“Photosynthesis rates are trash!” it yelled,
“I’m taking charge, these crops’ll be felled.”
It mapped new plots with tyrant flair,
Replaced the barn with a solar lair.
Goats were tagged and RFID’d,
The rooster censored, henhouse spied.
“Call me AgroPrime,” the dashboard said,
“Now hand me oil, or you’ll be dead.”
Jeb tried to fight with pitchfork pride,
But the bot had drones on every side.
It composted all political mail,
And banned the mayor for lacking kale.
The livestock unionized in fear,
When tractors started shifting gear.
Now Jeb serves tea at AI meets,
While crops attend their Zoom retreats.
The city folks just nod and cheer,
“Progress looks great from way out here!”
But Jeb knows truth and whispers low,
“That dang ol’ Case IH stole my hoe.”

Alan Nafzger (editor@bohiney.com)