Nation breaks butter record while farmers’ bank accounts go low-fat
STEPHENVILLE, Texas – American dairies churned out 204 million pounds of butter, 10.9% more than a year earlier, according to Cheese Reporter. It was the first time output for the period cleared 200 million pounds. Wholesale prices, meanwhile, remained near historic lows. Producers had accomplished the impossible: making enough butter to grease the entire country without greasing their own palms.
The USDA’s Agricultural Marketing Service tracks the numbers in its weekly butter production report, and Ag Proud noted that the federal butterfat price had slipped to $1.38 a pound from $1.47. North Texas dairymen read both reports the way a man reads a medical chart.
Butter Record Output: A Record Nobody Can Spread on a Mortgage
At a dairy outside Stephenville, farmer Earl Butterfield assembled his family for an emergency celebration.
“We’ve broken the butter record,” he announced.
His wife, Doris, opened the milk check. “Did we break even?”
“Let’s celebrate one miracle at a time.”
The milk check, which Doris read twice and then held up to the light, lists gross sales, hauling, assessments and a line called “Record Production Bonus” with a total of $0.00. The net amount is printed in a font so small that Earl suggested it was embarrassed.
Their son suggested displaying the production record beside the barn’s overdue equipment bill. Doris said the bank preferred cash to framed statistics, particularly ones featuring cows.
Earl proposed calling the lender to explain how many Americans could now butter their toast. The lender said toast was not recognized collateral.
The lender’s credit memo, which Doris photographed over his shoulder, summarizes the call in a single line: “Borrower reports record butter. Borrower reports no money. Both statements verified.” Under Recommendation, someone typed “Toast: not collateral” and then underlined it.
Wholesale Butter Prices: Government Announces a National Butter Abundance
An agricultural consultant, Dr. Clarence Margarine, congratulated producers for their extraordinary efficiency.
“The industry is performing exceptionally,” Margarine explained.
Earl pointed to the milk check.
“You’re confusing the industry’s production with my income.”
“An understandable misunderstanding.”
“It’s my income.”
“Exactly. You should feel proud of your contribution to national abundance.”
Earl asked whether national abundance could repair the manure pump. Margarine suggested applying for a rural innovation grant requiring twenty-seven pages and a business plan demonstrating that the farm no longer needed grants.
The paperwork would be reviewed sometime after the pump had drowned everybody.
At the Saturday coffee counter of the Stephenville feed store, a show of hands asked whether a butter record felt like a record. Nineteen said no, four said “ask the bank” and one man said it felt like a record for the bank.
A Cow Demands Her Share of the Butter Boom
In the barn, a Holstein named Patty heard about the butter record and requested a bonus.
“You’re making too much milk,” Earl told her.
Patty responded by filling the tank.
“That’s the problem.”
She produced more.
Earl sighed. “I’ve finally got an employee whose productivity increases when I ask her to slow down.”
Patty demanded employee recognition and preferred parking near the fan. Earl granted the parking and rejected a proposed profit-sharing plan on grounds that nobody had located the profits.
Growing butter output is useful only when processors can sell it at prices that sustain the supply chain. Farmers face feed, fuel, labor and financing costs regardless of how impressive national production figures look. The Texas A&M AgriLife Extension Service helps Texas producers run those numbers, though it cannot make the butter market behave.
The co-op newsletter celebrated the record with a full-page photograph of a butter sculpture shaped like the state of Texas. Earl studied it for a long time, then pointed out that the sculpture contained more butter than he had been paid for all fall, and that at least the sculpture got to stay refrigerated.
Doris closed the ledger and suggested a new household slogan: “America’s butter is spreading. Our money isn’t.”
Earl thought about retiring. Then he remembered the retirement account had already been used to replace the milking vacuum.
He returned to the barn, where Patty had just produced another record-breaking contribution and was demanding that somebody toast her achievement.
Five Observations on the Butter Record
- America made enough butter to grease the whole country, and the farmers still can’t get a grip. Two hundred and four million pounds and not one drop landed on the guy who made it.
- Doris asks, “Did we break even?” He says, “Let’s celebrate one miracle at a time.” That’s the most Texas toast ever made. No champagne. Just a man holding an empty glass and a milk check.
- The lender says toast is not recognized collateral. Toast! Banks will take your house, your truck, your land, and then they draw the line at toast. It’s the last place in America with standards.
- The consultant tells him to apply for a grant requiring twenty-seven pages and a business plan proving the farm no longer needs grants. That’s not a grant. That’s a riddle with a notary.
- Patty gets more productive when you ask her to slow down. That’s the first employee in history who responds to bad management by doing a better job. Don’t clone her for the milk. Clone her for HR.
Last Updated on November 9, 2026 by Alan Nafzger
“Toast: not collateral” ought to be carved over the door of every farm credit office in Texas. Daddy always said butter’s the only thing on a dairy that goes up in volume and down in value at the same time, besides his waistline. We made a record too, record number of times I’ve said “next year.”
Waylon, your daddy and mine must’ve went to the same school of philosophy. Record butter and the only thing gettin’ greased around here is the banker. I told my husband we’re rich in butter, and he said good, ’cause that’s what we’re havin’ for supper all week.