LAST RING TOSS ON THE RANCH
Male Country Vocal | Upbeat Texas Honky-Tonk | Two-Step Divorce Comedy
[Verse 1]
She laid those papers on the porch,
Right beside my Sunday hat.
Said, “I’m keeping all the cattle,
You can have that lazy cat.”
I said, “Honey, let’s be reasonable,
We can give this one more chance.”
She said, “You’ve had fifteen years, boy,
And I’m keeping this whole ranch.”
[Chorus]
Last ring toss on the ranch,
One gold band, one final chance.
I hit that nail, she hit the road,
I got the truck, she got the gold.
She got the barn, I got the gate,
She got the land, I got a date.
With a lawyer and a second mortgage,
And a mighty empty pair of pants.
I won the last ring toss,
But she won the ranch!
[Verse 2]
I tossed my ring toward the fence post,
Made the prettiest throw you’d see.
Said, “Looky there, I still got talent!”
She said, “Try fidelity.”
I said, “Don’t you remember, darling,
All the happy years we knew?”
She said, “I remember twenty,
Can you name the other two?”
[Chorus]
Last ring toss on the ranch,
One gold band, one final chance.
I hit that nail, she hit the road,
I got the truck, she got the gold.
She got the barn, I got the gate,
She got the land, I got a date.
With a lawyer and a second mortgage,
And a mighty empty pair of pants.
I won the last ring toss,
But she won the ranch!
[Bridge]
The judge said, “Son, you’re lucky,
You can keep your pickup truck.”
I said, “What about my horses?”
He said, “You’ve run clean out of luck.”
I said, “Can I keep my wedding ring?”
He said, “Son, that seems just fine.”
I said, “It’s hanging on a fence post.”
He said, “Well, that fence ain’t mine!”
[Final Chorus]
Last ring toss on the ranch,
One gold band, one final chance.
I hit that nail, she hit the road,
I got the truck, she got the gold.
She got the barn, I got the gate,
She got the land, I got a date.
With a lawyer and a second mortgage,
And a mighty empty pair of pants.
I won the last ring toss,
But she won the ranch!
[Final Tag]
Now I’m living in a trailer,
With my boots and favorite chair.
She got everything we worked for,
Even half my underwear.
I finally won at throwing rings,
And that was quite a catch.
But the only thing I walked away with
Was the ring around my neck!
LAST RING TOSS ON THE RANCH
Cowboy Poetry | Male Narrator | Texas Divorce Humor
Alan Nafzger (2009)
She laid the divorce papers down,
Beside my Sunday hat.
Said, “You can keep your favorite chair.”
I said, “Well, thanks for that.”
She said she’d keep the homestead,
The cattle and the land.
And I could keep my pickup truck,
My boots, and my right hand.
I told her we could work things out,
She said, “I’ve done the work.”
I said, “I wasn’t all that bad.”
She said, “You were a jerk.”
I said, “We made a promise,
And a wedding ring means more.”
She said, “Then tell me why yours spent
More nights down at the store.”
She pointed toward the fence post,
Where we’d pitched our wedding tent.
Said, “Toss that ring upon that nail,
And show me what it meant.”
I slipped that golden circle off,
And gave a mighty throw.
It landed square upon the nail,
A perfect little show.
I hollered, “Did you see that?
I’m still the champion here!”
She said, “That’s nice. Now grab your boots,
And get yourself in gear.”
She kept the house and horses,
The barn and fishing pond.
I kept the truck and toolbox,
And a lawyer’s bill beyond.
My buddies asked who won the ranch.
I said, “I did all right.
I made the finest ring toss
That county’s seen in quite a night.”
But winning takes on meaning
When marriage goes to waste.
I finally hit the target,
But she’d already left the place.
So here’s advice for cowboys
Who think love’s just a game:
You can land a ring upon a nail,
And still walk home in shame.
I made the last ring toss, boys,
A perfect throw, by chance.
I finally got that wedding ring right,
And lost the whole damn ranch.
Last Updated on October 24, 2026 by Alan Nafzger